Just for a sample...every once in a while I'm gonna
start including an "issue" of the Manifesto on the
blog.
Make sure you tell all your friends about the
Manifesto.
Yahoo! Groups My Groups | giltmanifesto Main Page
http://www.gilwilson.com
* HAVE A GREAT DAY AND DON'T FORGET TO CLICK ON THE
SPONSOR LINKS!
to have friends subscribe to the manifesto
just have them send e-mail to:
giltmanifesto-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Signup at InboxDollars and Get Paid to Receive E-Mail!
http://www.inboxdollars.com/signup.php?ref=0278723
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
"You Know You're Too Stressed If..."
...relatives that have been dead for years come visit
you and suggest
that you should get some rest.
...you can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that
you have said it before.
...the Sun is too loud.
...trees begin chasing you.
...you can see individual air molecules vibrating.
...you begin to explore the possibility of setting up
an I.V. drip
solution of espresso.
...you wonder if brewing is really a necessary step in
the consumption
of coffee.
...you can hear mimes.
...you believe that if you think hard enough, you can
fly.
...things become "Very Clear."
...you ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get
your order to go.
...you begin speaking in a language that only you and
Channelers can
understand.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that
you have said it before.
...you keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!" even though
you are the only
one in the room.
...your heart beats in 7/8 time.
...you and Reality file for divorce.
...you can skip without a rope.
...it appears that people are speaking to you in
binary code.
...you have great revelations concerning: Life, the
Universe, and
Everything else, but can't quite find the words for
them before the
white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than
before.
...you can travel without moving.
...antacid tablets become your sole source of
nutrition.
...you discover the aesthetic beauty of office
supplies.
...you begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about
the subject, get
into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to
yourself for
the rest of the night.
...teddy bears begin to bully you for milk and
cookies.
...you have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of
the people you
are talking to.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that
you have said it before.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that
you have said it before.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that
you have said it before.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that
you have said it before.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that
you have said it before.
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
Get paid for reading e-mails, referring your friends
or signing up
for exciting offers.
$5 to Sign up, $3 for direct referrals and $1 for
indirect referrals
http://www.wowearnings.com/?r=gilwilson
Download MP3's for free and legally.
http://www.MPFree.com/Refer.asp?UID=26023D151B1317142410
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A college drama group presented a play in which one
character would
stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into
hell!"
A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor
would spring,
and the actor would drop from view.
The play was well received. When the actor playing the
part became
ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his
place. When the
new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the
stagehand pulled the
rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became
hopelessly stuck. No
amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled:
"Hallelujah! Hell is
full!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
make free phone calls REALLY, and over a regular
phone.
http://www.phonehog.com/Refer.asp?UID=22153D1316191B19142423
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Realizing that I'd put on a pound or two, I lamented
to my husband,
"I'm fat."
And right on cue he said what all good husbands must:
"You're not fat."
To support his position, he added, "Just look around
you at others,
and you will see that you are not fat."
But our daughter, a high schooler, saw through it:
"Mom, he's grading
you on the curve!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Get paid for reading e-mails, referring your friends
or signing up
for exciting offers.
$5 to Sign up, $3 for direct referrals and $1 for
indirect referrals
http://www.wowearnings.com/?r=gilwilson
--------------------------------------------------------------
After a long day of being called upon to visit an
endless series of
horses and cows with sore legs, I finally returned to
the animal clinic.
Although exhausted, when I discovered I had a slow
leak in one of my
truck tires, I drove over to get it fixed at the
service station.
The mechanic knew immediately he was dealing with a
tired veterinarian
after I carefully explained to him that my truck
seemed to be lame in
the right hind tire.
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
Download MP3's for free and legally.
http://www.MPFree.com/Refer.asp?UID=26023D151B1317142410
----------------------------------------------------------------
THE RULES FOR LIFE
* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem
can be overcome
given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never
given enough
time or money.
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your
husband to pick up
five items at the store and then you add one more as
an afterthought,
he will forget two of the first five.
* Law of the Search: The first place to look for
anything is the last
place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will
not be in the
last place you expect to find it.
* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less
important you are to
the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is
noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough
to increase
your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on
your take-home pay.
* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers
everything except what
happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what
you always
wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something
else.
* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers,
only cross-references.
* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that
starts out hard
will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft
will harden when
stale.
* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the
most consistent
repair or replacement will be housed in the most
inaccessible location.
* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two
possible ways to
spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one.
Corollary - If
there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell
it wrong anyway.
* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to
eat on the way
home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the
grocery bag.
* Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only
during the wash
cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the
plumber's day off.
* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late,
you will go
unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet
the boss in the
parking lot.
* Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most
will be offered
when there is no time to deliver the services.
* Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even
though they don't
know who wrote the book or even which book it is.
* Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get
someplace else.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Don't forget to visit my website.
http://www.gilwilson.com
------------------------------------------------
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the
Pope and made
this offer:
Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give
us this day our
daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken."
and KFC will donate
10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope
declined.
Two weeks later the man approached the Pope again.
This time with a 50
million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month
later the man
offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announces his
decision in the
good news/bad news format. "The good news is... that
we have 100 million
dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost
the Wonder Bread
account!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Download MP3's for free and legally.
http://www.MPFree.com/Refer.asp?UID=26023D151B1317142410
make free phone calls REALLY, and over a regular
phone.
http://www.phonehog.com/Refer.asp?UID=22153D1316191B19142423
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my
shed, stealing
things. I phoned the police but was told nobody was in
the area to help.
They said they would send someone over as soon as
possible. I hung up.
A minute later, I phoned again. "Hello" I said, "I
called you a minute
ago because there were people in my shed. You don't
have to worry now
because I shot them."
Within minutes, there were half a dozen police cars in
the area, plus
helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught
the burglars
red-handed.
One of the officers said, "I thought you said you shot
them." To which
I replied, "I thought you said there was no one
available."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amazon.com has it all (not just books)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/giltsbluesstuff
-------------------------------------------------------
My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a
dog for
protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the
trainer told her,
"He doesn't like men."
"Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and took the dog.
Then one day she was approached by two men in a
parking lot, and she
watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react.
Soon it became
clear the the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got
closer, the dog
ran under the nearest car.
*********************************
You can create and sell T-Shirts, mugs, mousepads and
more with your
own designs on them. You just upload a picture, and
they create a
complete store-front for you - completely FREE. It's
really easy and
doesn't take long - plus it's a lot of fun. Try it out
by visiting
this link:
http://www.cafepress.com/cp/info/storeref.aspx?refby=gilwilson
If you visit CafePress.com through that link, I'll get
credit in
their referral program, which is also really great.
Go check it out for yourself, it's really cool!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Once upon a time there was a young man who wanted to
become a great
writer. "I want to write things the whole world will
read," he declared.
"Stuff that will elicit strong emotions from people in
every walk of
life. I want my writing to make them scream, cry, howl
in pain and anger."
He now lives happily ever after in Redmond, Wash.,
writing error
messages for Microsoft
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey get your t-shirts and hats with either my face, or
some really
funny slogans on them.
I've got boxers t-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, you name
it...if you
have requests just let me know
check them out at:
http://www.cafepress.com/gilwilson
Earn money by reading e-mail it really works.
http://www.correct-marketing.com/pages/advertise.php?refid=gilwilson
ø¤º°`°º¤ø * ø¤º°`°º¤ø ø¤º°`°º¤ø * ø¤º°`°º¤ø ø¤º°`°º¤ø
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the
commandment to "honor thy
father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a
commandment that
teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a
family of
seven) answered, "thou shall not kill."
* HAVE A GREAT DAY AND DON'T FORGET TO CLICK ON THE
SPONSOR LINKS!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
visit my website.
http://www.gilwilson.com/
Gil T is not the author of these jokes, and does
not claim to own any copyright privileges to them. He
assumes them to be in the public domain, and does his
best
not to use copyrighted material.
Yahoo! Groups Links
* To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/giltmanifesto/
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
Gil T. Wilson
http://www.gilwilson.com
subscribe to Gil T's Manifesto
(a daily summary of jokes and stuff)
send e-mail to: giltmanifesto-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
-Robin Williams
__________________________________
Discover Yahoo!
Have fun online with music videos, cool games, IM and more. Check it out!
http://discover.yahoo.com/online.html
